B!tches B Trippin'

Sitting in the sun, reflecting and thinking about who I am, who I've been and who I want to be. Thinking of a friend whose going through rough waters with her now ex man. Thinking of my job and how much more I could be doing with my life. Thinking of my past, present and future. My kids. My marriage. So why do I feel a tad bit angry? The answer that comes to me is that we women put up with a lot of shit. Shit we go through with men. The shit we deal with on a daily basis. Do we look good enough? Our body images. Self esteem. Am I a good mother? What do my friends think of me? I'm annoyed with how much shit we take and the things we sacrifice for all of the things mentioned above. We take low paying jobs to spend more time with our children. We lose out on adult social activity to go to parks, picnics and kid friendly activities. We criticize ourselves for not looking like Beyonce and the Sports Illustrated cover girl. My boobs aren't big enough. My stomach isn't flat. My hair isn't long enough and I need a pedicure and a wax job. I'm feeling very feminist today. We take the blame when our better halves do us wrong. We listen to the negativity and think what we could've done differently all to please him. We fill our bodies with birth control hormones to prevent unwanted pregnancies but increase our chances of reproductive organ cancers. Mood swings, heavy cycles, headaches. And brownies. Don't forget the brownies. But we do it and sometimes even with a smile on our beautiful, imperfect faces.

I love my boys more than life itself. And if I have to miss out on a girls night because they need me to tuck them into bed, so be it. I'd do anything for them. Call it Sacrifices. Maybe I'm rambling which seems to be my favorite but I have a point that I'm trying to make. We put up, go through and survive a lot and are typically under appreciated except on the hallmark card holiday called Mother's Day when we'll get a card, maybe some flowers and a messy house for the day since its a known fact we have the day off from responsibility. One day I'll be older and wiser and appreciate the trials I've gone through because in the end, I'll know exactly the path I've taken and where it'll have led me.

I guess this is what happens when you feel misunderstood. You ramble on the internet because you know if no one else will listen, your blog will.

To be continued...

She's ugly....


The End

4.23.13

I never really know how I want to start my blogs so I figured today I'll just ramble and go from there. Rambling FTW. Life has been...life lately. Up's, down's and everything in between. My boys are getting bigger and smarter by the day. Roman will be 10 in four months and I can't believe it. He was once my little buddy who slept in the same room as me. Just him and I. Now he's a cool little dude that runs and jumps and plays and wants to do all things *boy*. He is much like his mama though. He wears his heart on his sleeve, he's emotional and kind. I see a lot of myself in him. Kaden is 6 and full of bossiness and curiosity. He often asks when's the last time I've changed Seven's diaper or if he needs a fresh bottle. I have to remind him who the parent is in our relationship. He's so smart. And inquisitive. He's going places. They were both recently award recipients at school and I'm proud of them. Seven is at the ripe age of 18 months. He is funny, happy, and the king of the castle. He's finally walking and will converse with you about any topic of your choice. Although you may not understand his babbles and jibberish, you'll certainly enjoy his company.  They own my heart, that is for sure.

I'm still a work in progress when it comes to my anxiety but I've made great strides in the last year or two. I've pushed myself and worked hard to get where I am. It is never easy and always a struggle but the fight in me is there. I hope to be able to travel one day. Hopefully soon but I know that isn't a reality. I've finally made it back up to Bandimere. Such a good feeling to be there, to hear the roar of the cars that bring back so many beloved memories. Hopefully we'll be back there this summer for the events that will take place. I'd like to take the boys to Night of Fire and Thunder. I remember going there as a kid, the rumble in your chest as the dragsters and jet cars flew down the track. I'm so grateful that I'll be able to share that experience with my own kiddos.

We've recently moved into a house. It's SO good to be back into a home that has a backyard for the kids and dogs, a yard to garden and plant in, neighbors who that are the same age group with kids! I hope we're here for a long time until we can buy a place to really call our own. We're also officially done having babies. I thought that I would be sad but I'm not! I'm excited to grow our little family into great young men and spend the rest of my life being married and enjoying all of our many blessings. 3 is plenty I've come to realize. It's exhausting being a Mom but its always worth it.

I will be 29 in 5 months. Oh Lord. One year closer to 30. Bring it on....

Rambling done, I've got pork chops in the crock pot!