*Blows dust off of blog*
Dusty! Haven't blogged in over a year but thanks to my pal, Amani, I remembered my poor little blog, sitting here lost in the internet world. Anyhoo, much has changed and some has not. Its now 2011 and I am trying, trying, trying to get it together. With my anxiety, a J O B (A real one), debt, etc. I can't figure out what I want to do. I want to do something fun, I DON'T want to sit in a stinky office 9 hours a day, staring at a computer. Blah, no thank you. So....who knows. I can be a pirate, a tattoo artist, something in fashion, I don't know. It will come to me sooner or later and here's betting on sooner. I've been working on my anxiety lately. It just gets aggravating not "being able" to go the places I want to go or join my family for things downtown or here or there. I only have one shot at life and anxiety is in the drivers seat and won't push the peddle. So, I'm trying to shove that bitch OUT of the car, while driving 100mph. Metaphorically speaking. It doesn't help that stress creeps are always around the corner, waiting to pop out and surprise/frighten me. There's Bill (bills) who never goes away, I can control him once and awhile but for the most part he always has his hand out for something. Debby (debt) who threatens to ruin my credit report. Oh well....things will work out and I have faith that it will be soon.
On a sad note, we lost our 3rd son, Taylor Alexander on August 21, 2010 due to a stupid IUD that was stuck in my body that resulted in an infetion, which in turn caused me to go into early labor. I think about him everyday. What he would have been like, who he would have looked like, if he'd be like his brothers and in what ways. My due date came and passed and I tried not to think about it. I am easily irritated and frustrated and I'm sure thats the main reason why. I didn't know him for very long but I do miss him very much. I hope, wait, I know, he's in Heaven with his Grandpa Ed and whoever else greeted him when he made an early arrival. Sigh. Miss you little guy.
Roman and Kaden are great. They make me smile daily. They are funny, smart, handsome little men and they make me proud. Roman is in first grade and enjoys being in school. He is such a pleaser and is always eager to make people happy. Kaden is a little monster, cute and destructive. I wonder where his thoughts come from. He asks inquisitive questions, "What's in your eyes?" etc. Love them both more than they will ever know.
Its now 2011 and I'm on a mission. New job, more moolah, anxiety to take a hike annnddd yeah, 'Get it Together' is the 2011 motto. And so you learn!
"God said he would never put more on me than I can handle, I just wish he wouldn't trust me so much." -Mother Theresa
